If I felt grown up buying my first home, getting married, having kids….
It’s nothing compared to how grown up I feel getting a divorce.
Only this time, not in a good way. It’s something to survive.
Tackling the emotional and practical side of ending a marriage, is like negotiating a minefield in oversized clown shoes.
Because there was once two of you promising to stay together forever. There was once two of you making plans, putting your trust in each other…
And then it all blew up in your face.
Whether you initiate divorce, or it’s presented to you as a fait accompli, there’s a grieving process. I’ll admit right now that I’m still going through it.
So there’s no promise of happily ever after here. No easy fix. No answers.
Just my own experience of what will ease the process as you get through it, one day at a time.
Find Your Therapy
Seek out what soothes you. Whether that’s painting a picture, writing a diary, listening to music, meditation – or even getting actual therapy from a counsellor.
There will be moments when panic clutches at your heart, when you feel like you’re drowning in fear and isolation. Find whatever way you can to be kind to yourself and throw yourself a virtual lifeline.
Let Your Loved Ones In
OK so you’re shattered. And your gut reaction is to push others away and lose your trust in people. But this is a time when you need to remind yourself that there are others who love you, who want to be there for you, who aren’t going anywhere. Let them in. Spend time with them. Don’t punish them for what you’re enduring.
Get Legal Advice
You may want to keep it amicable, and sort things out between yourselves. But believe me, unless you happen to be a qualified lawyer you risk being short-changed. Seek out a reliable firm like Prime Lawyers for family law to protect your interests. Especially if there are children involved. Being represented is common sense, and doesn’t have to mean things can’t stay friendly.
Moving forward is all you can do. Self-doubt and bitter recriminations will hold you back. It’s over. Don’t second guess what you could have done or how you might have changed things. If being yourself in the relationship didn’t make it work, it was never going to last.