This week we’ve really enjoyed having a bit of a break from all the after-school clubs the kids have been taking part in.
And by some weird coincidence, a report has stated parents are being too intrusive, filling their children’s lives with an overload of organised activities, and not enough free play.
Well, it started when Blake was sick – meaning Brodie eventually got his germs.
And Mr G was on business in London, so we were confined to barracks for a number of days.
We missed the 5 after-school clubs Brodie usually does, and the 2 his little brother takes part in.
Their reaction was not as I expected.
“Yeeeeeeessssss!” they said, punching the air, as I announced we wouldn’t be going to anything – not even swimming – until their snotty noses and hacking coughs subsided.
For me, it hit home what I had suspected for a while. That we were doing too much.
I’m not one of those controlling Tiger mums (honest!) It’s just that when Brodie started school there were a number of leaflets being sent home, and school newsletters, filled with opportunities I didn’t want him to miss.
Particularly music lessons. When a local mum offered to tutor kids after school 
I signed him up, in the hope it might lead to him playing a musical instrument.
But lately, I’ve been getting reports he was larking about, being disruptive, or reluctant to join in with the musical activities.
Finally, the mum teaching him collared me at the school gates, and suggested gently that he was perhaps not ready to give music his full concentration.
In short, he shouldn’t come back to class.
He’s only 6. Brodie is a good kid and had started to display a good musical ear in the first term.
But by the second, he seemed to have so much pent-up energy when the school bell went at the end of the day, he didn’t want to be made to sit down and learn any longer.
Maybe we’ll return to music when he’s older. Maybe we won’t. That has to be up to him.
In an interview with The Times this week, Conservative MP Claire Perry blamed mums for pushing their own ambition onto their kids and creating a ‘treadmill’ of over-organised activities.
She said many kids will leave home or go to university and find they’re unable to cope without their mum watching their every move.
I’m usually the first to brush off these stupid reports, which blame parents for bloody everything.
We’re giving too much love. We’re not giving enough. We’re cushioning them. We’re exposing them to too much sex and violence (in video games, that is). We’re holding them back. We’re pushing them too far.
But this time, I had to listen to my kids.
The boys were happy and relieved to have a week of hanging around the house, painting pictures, having battles with toy soldiers.
OK, I haven’t ruined their lives by taking them to swimming lessons, and Enjoy a Ball (a general sports class), by encouraging Brodie to do rugby and music and Beaver cubs too.
But they have been tired.
We’re out all the time – sometimes with just half an hour to squeeze in homework between leaving school and going to one of Brodie’s clubs.
And I had ambition for Blake to try everything, once he starts school in August.
Now I’ve changed my mind.
We’re dropping 2 of Brodie’s after-school clubs (well, as I explained, he’s been chucked out of one of them).
I’m insisting he continues with swimming (it’s a lifesaving skill, after all) and he’s chosen his 2 favourite activities to do alongside that.
If he wants to do anything else in the future, he’ll have to drop one of his existing clubs.
That gives us 3 evenings a week after school when he’s got nothing to do.
Nothing but play in the street with his friends, or in the garden with his brother. To draw pictures, watch cartoons, pick his nose – whatever takes his fancy.
And the same rule will apply to Blake.
They need free time. We all need it.
But if anyone asks, I will deny vehemently that I agree with anything a Tory MP has to say. Ssssshhhhh!
That’s my decision, but what do you think?
Can a child do too many organised clubs and activities?
Is there an age when it’s acceptable to push encourage them?
my son has swimming, beavers and football at age 6! it does make for late nights but the 1st I consider an essential life skill, the 2nd is just too good to miss and the 3rd is his boy time with Gramps! Big sister now has nothing as music is in school time. They are both at after school club until 5… Weekends we have no clubs to give us family time or just time for them to play..
I’ve always tried my best to keep stuff to a minimum. I never push them into anything. Until recently, they’ve had one after school activity a week and one night at Club V whilst I go to the gym. They love that as it’s one of the quieter nights at the gym, and they basically get the run of the place.
Recently, we seem to have gained a few activities. Firstly, the children came home and wanted to do multisports after school on Monday. They both wanted to do it so I agreed. Then, Missy wanted to do library club on a Tuesday, again that is only for 4 weeks. Then, Monkey wanted to do badminton which will turn into tennis on a Thursday, which he fits in just before he goes to his swimming lesson (his one activity!) This falls on the same day Missy does dancing. Again, this is what they want to do. However, it does leave only Friday when there is nothing on. It’s only a couple of weeks into this and this is the first week that they’re going to Multisports so we’ll see. They are mostly OK with it but last Thursday, Monkey was taking part in a music festival as his class have ukulele lessons so he did badminto, then swimming then concert. And Missy had to come along too. They’ve been a bit giddy ever since.
The only thing I’m going to try and “encourage” Monkey into is choir although he says he will do it with Missy next school year. Whenever he does the ukulele, they sing and his face lights up when he is doing it.
You’re definitely right to cut back. I always check with my kids that they want to do something and am happy to stop something if it’s not working out. At least some of the things they are doing at the moment are only for a few weeks but this seems to have crept up on us!
I want my son to do more cos he’s getting fat and lazy, but I know that he is much happier when he does less! It’s a difficult one. Especially as I was used to his eldest sister who wanted to be doing activities all the time! I think you are absolutely right to listen to your kids, and go with their needs xx
I completely agree with you in dropping the amount of activities that they’re doing, my sister’s daughter does too much and she’s exhausted but my sister can’t see it. I think one sports and one other activity a week is enough, and my choice would be swimming as well. I’ve got swimming and the scouts in mind for The Boy. They need the time to just chill out and ‘be’, to play, to relax to unwind.
I went yesterday to an event held in a National Trust site. The event was run by the NT but it was by multiple agencies, all working to promote a ‘natural childhood’, to re-engage children into nature. Did you know that children in the UK are the most unhappy in the developed world, and that their life expectancy is lower than ours? For the first time, the new generation have a lower life expectancy than that of their parents. It shocks me. It scares me. They need to get back to playing and just chill out.